One frequent wrestling match that occurs within the regions of the heart has to do with a very hard thing to do. Forgive. Do you forgive others?
Most people asked that question immediately want, or offer, qualifiers. "Well sure I forgive, but..." Following the "but" are a string of modifications to the basic meaning of the word FORGIVE.
It means "to fully release," or "to let go." One good definition, from Archibald Hart (CHILDREN OF DIVORCE) is "giving up your right to hurt someone back." Such a definition is more negatively stated.
Positively, it means to "extend the love and grace of God to someone, regardless of what has gone on before." Paul writes, "Forgive one another as God, in Christ, as forgiven you."
Of course, we want to qualify any acts of forgiveness we may extend.
"I'll forgive, but I can't forget." Forgetting has never been a required part of forgiveness, though it can be a part, if your heart can go there. But forgetting is not necessary and may not be, in fact, good. We should remember all the lessons which arise from the experiences of life that happen to us.
"I'll forgive, but I can't trust." Immediate trusting has never been a required part of forgiveness. Forgiveness is offered in grace. Trust is gained through faithfulness. In many cases, it would be simply foolish to immediately trust when a pattern of breaking trust is in play.
"I'll forgive, but I want an apology." Really? Apparently, if this is your approach, you are not truly letting go. You want some payback, some justice, some humility. You want to play the role of "offended instructor" (i.e., "It's my duty to see they learn a lesson from this!"), or perhaps that of "protected offendee" (i.e., "I want to make sure they never do that to me again!")
You understand, however (do you not?), that this is not how God forgives. While He has lessons for us to learn when we've sinned, He does not condition his forgiveness on us learning them. And while He would not welcome being grieved (Ephesians 4:30) again by our sin, He does not condition his forgiveness on never hurting his heart again.
Forgiveness lets go. It responds with love to hate, with grace to rudeness, with prayer and encouragement to criticism and gossip.
Forgiveness. There's nothing like it. It has the power to change the landscape of many years of bad, hurtful, payback-driven relationships.
Why not forgive?
Most people asked that question immediately want, or offer, qualifiers. "Well sure I forgive, but..." Following the "but" are a string of modifications to the basic meaning of the word FORGIVE.
It means "to fully release," or "to let go." One good definition, from Archibald Hart (CHILDREN OF DIVORCE) is "giving up your right to hurt someone back." Such a definition is more negatively stated.
Positively, it means to "extend the love and grace of God to someone, regardless of what has gone on before." Paul writes, "Forgive one another as God, in Christ, as forgiven you."
Of course, we want to qualify any acts of forgiveness we may extend.
"I'll forgive, but I can't forget." Forgetting has never been a required part of forgiveness, though it can be a part, if your heart can go there. But forgetting is not necessary and may not be, in fact, good. We should remember all the lessons which arise from the experiences of life that happen to us.
"I'll forgive, but I can't trust." Immediate trusting has never been a required part of forgiveness. Forgiveness is offered in grace. Trust is gained through faithfulness. In many cases, it would be simply foolish to immediately trust when a pattern of breaking trust is in play.
"I'll forgive, but I want an apology." Really? Apparently, if this is your approach, you are not truly letting go. You want some payback, some justice, some humility. You want to play the role of "offended instructor" (i.e., "It's my duty to see they learn a lesson from this!"), or perhaps that of "protected offendee" (i.e., "I want to make sure they never do that to me again!")
You understand, however (do you not?), that this is not how God forgives. While He has lessons for us to learn when we've sinned, He does not condition his forgiveness on us learning them. And while He would not welcome being grieved (Ephesians 4:30) again by our sin, He does not condition his forgiveness on never hurting his heart again.
Forgiveness lets go. It responds with love to hate, with grace to rudeness, with prayer and encouragement to criticism and gossip.
Forgiveness. There's nothing like it. It has the power to change the landscape of many years of bad, hurtful, payback-driven relationships.
Why not forgive?
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