Is Divorce a Sin? - Part 3 (Grace, Healing, and a Future for the Wounded)

It was a theology conference.  I finally reached the Leawood, KS church campus and drove onto the lot.  But there was a mild surprise.

In front of the "this is who we are" sign (Christ Community Church) was a "this is how we care" sign (Divorce Care - classes starting now).   Signage which did not escape the notice of one of the speakers who had come to address the topic, "Christian Living in a Modern Culture."  He noted, pointedly, that this was a church ministry that was getting it right

ENCOURAGEMENT TOWARD DIVORCE

Increasingly, our societal culture regards marriage as a temporary contract that merits faithful commitment only if  it is working.  If it is not working, and if you can afford to exit, why not?  Recently, our local newspaper included this article, "Study: Divorces rise as economy recovers" [Ames Tribune, Wednesday, January 29, 2014, A5].   It noted "Married couples promise to stick together for better or worse.  But as the U.S. economy started to rebound, so did the divorce rate.  From 2008-2009...the divorce rate dropped among married women...then crept back up in 2010-2011.  'This is exactly what happened int he 1930's,' said Johns Hopkins University sociolgist Andrew Cherlin. 'The divorce rate dropped during the great Depression, not because people were happier with their marriages, but because they couldn't afford to get divorced.'"

Beyond dollars and lack-of-sense, you don't have to go far to find a chorus of voices that chime in, "If you're not happy, get out while you can."  One Jesus follower whom I talked with recently, who is staying faithful even while her husband is demanding a divorce, shared with me that many of her acquaintances and friends (some fellow Christians) offer very strange encouragement.  "Are you sleeping with someone else?  Why not?!?  You deserve to have your needs met if he (her husband) won't meet them!"

What these ill-suited counselors overlook is that casual sex with others joins divorce in the tearing and shredding of the one-ness God has created--and still exists--with one's original partner.   As such, when it occurs, the collateral damage is frequently and badly underestimated -- damage to the partners, damage to the children and grandchildren, damage to the concentric circles of relationships around. Divorce destroys and wounds.  It rarely fixes.

MANY A WOUNDED FROM DIVORCE

Like broken soldiers returning from the chaos of Afghanistan, many wonderful people bear the wounds and scars of an exploded relationship.  Wounded soldiers want to rehab and recover, and a chance at a brighter future.  So do those emerging from damaging marriages; women and men of every age who feel like damaged goods.

Some of the most deeply wounded are those who fought hard to save their marriages.  They are the heroes in our day.   Hosea-types who loved and continued to love and be faithful even as the partner took advantage time and time again.  Hosea-types who hung in there even when mistreated emotionally and physically and even sexually, hoping and praying for a genuine repentance to break into the partner's heart.  Hosea-types who did their best to put 1 Peter 3:1-6 in play in obedience and reverence for God's Word.  Hosea-types, whose perseverance was not helped by our society's "no-fault" divorce laws.

It takes time and God's grace to get back on your feet again.  It takes compassionate friends who know God and know hurt and know that God is in the business of second chances.  It takes a church of Jesus-followers who are committed to the best things the Spirit teaches us in the Word about the permanence of marriage, the damage of divorce, and the application of grace when former partners have been blown apart and need to recover.

DIVORCE IS NOT THE UNFORGIVABLE SIN

One of the great joys of my life as a pastor has been seeing God apply His grace through His people to those who have been through agony and terror of the mine-field of divorce.  What I know is this - God hates divorce but He also forgives and restores those who have been humbled by a failed marriage, and want to move forward in holiness.  He can turn the bitterness into future blessing.  Some of the most godly people I know have survived a dismantled marriage, when out of the ruins they clung more fiercely to Jesus and His leadership in their lives.

Refuse to prematurely end the marriage you are in!  Rather, have the courage to ask the Holy Spirit to change you from the inside out, to make you more like the Lord Jesus in attitude, character, conviction, and practice.  Beg for the fullness and fruit of the Spirit in your life.  Be willing to come under the tutoring of Scripture and other godly people.

If your marriage has been taken apart, embrace Jesus more fully.  Refuse to rebound into yet another faulty relationship.  Refuse to "play-the-field" sexually.  Find a church of Jesus' followers who don't mind putting "Divorce Care" before their "Church Sign," because they know (and are partners with) Jesus, who can make all things new.